I was cleaning my room today. Wow cleaning is a small word, more like the removal of things in my room is a better way to say it. It's crazy the things i have in my room, the junk, the papers collected, school work, college work, but it's all be neat to go through. it reminds me a lot of who i use to be. not many people will ever know that i used to love to draw and the pictures that are mostly now in the trash. or how horrible i was in school, and the f's and d's and c's will all one day be forgotten. though they where genuis at the time i regret the lack of effort i put into my school work. i was really encouraged though by the amounts of letters and notes from friends through out the years. it reminds me of those that have come in gone in my life, but are not forgotten, and little pieces of them still hang in there. i've thrown a lot away today, but one thing most people don't know is that i love to write. and i just wanted to cast these pieces into the wind of the eternal net so they can live a little longer. i know they suck, but they tell a story to me of a time in my life. these are a collection of things i wrote will in san fransico for week right after graduating college with my friend eric orr. they mark expeirences, thoughts, beginnings of letters that were never finished or sent, but i will leave them all here as San Fran is calling:

1

We smoke and drink

but nobody knows who

we are just where

we are from.

Our shadows cover our

tracks down streets whose

names we've missed where

we are from.

In the grass they sleep

but nobody knows how they got there who

they could be.

I drown in my dreams

chinese fisherman who

catch me as I sit where

the world seems to end.

2

I'm in a different place tonight, under different city lights.  The docks on the bay are scattered with the laughter of Chinese fishermen, the parks littered with hopelessness, and the streets spill beautiful diverse people.  As the trolly car passes by and the pack on my shoulder becomes heavy, I kick my feet up on the back of a Green Tortise.  Filled with smoke and drunken travelers, my feet are delighted to end thier first day in San Francisco. College is over and all my friends have gone home so Eric and I took flight this morning to find where we've been before continuing forward.  I'm thankful for the safety college provided, but i am a little bitter of the fear it produces upon leaving.  Though the more we break free from those around us the more we cling to God or the world.  I pray we cling to God, ever fastened to the truth he shines before us. Bound to Him is sacrifice for His will not mine.  Why do I write these words? I think my thoughts may mean more than the shallow words I started to write.  The "So, what's up?" scares me most days and reminds me to much of the world I've drowned in before.  The "take cares" become more like "go to hells" eventually.  I don't want to be that person. I don't want to be me for awhile.  I want to just sit and talk awhile, Colleen my Irish Queen.

3

Berkley isn't all that cool.

I heard the pretty girl say

as she was ready to fly away.

I'm ready to leave too,

we've walked long enough

and my skin is red, hot red

sun shines to dark for my skin.

They're just college kids

living their dreams on the outside.

(Let's sit.

play the piano awhile

for thier soundtrack ahead)

I'm still living mine on the in.

4

I've always loved red hair

be not as much as our

behing the ears you listen with

the songs of the sea and

trains going by clash with

dancing stars to pop music under

one moon miles from you

changes nothing.

the moon's still here and

the sun is still there though

we can't reach and dip inot

the cold and hot that burns

my thoughts of you under this

moon over you.

5

I saw a beautiful girl today.

Though se had no legs

All I really noticed though

was her smile.

It's like hot pink in the

all dull grey world.

It just sticks out

that way.

6

Pigeon lady bird

feed brings them in

draws their attention and

mine.  Can't see your

eyes behind the thick

large glasses.  It protects

you from the sun, or

the stares.

It makes you happy

to have the company

of the birds, but

nobody feeds you

no body needs you,

more than the birds.

7

I'm watching the sunset

for you tonight, without

you tonight.  yet i see

you here, in it all

as it shines and you

shine the same.

As it sinks and the

yellow oranges become

dark blue. I hold

a piece of it for you.

It's getting colder now,

but i'm warmer now, on

the inside holding you.

8

I paided today to see something

new. Some may say it was a

waste.  I'm not sure though

dreams could cost less

Sure you make money off of

us, even make us go hungry

a day for your Japanese

Tea Garden, but I've

never see one, except in

dreams.

Know though the smells

are around us and i've tasted

flowers and felt the breeze as

I crossed the stones from my

dreams to this:

American Japanesse Tea Garden

9

You've been shut up and

hidden. the years have been

harder on you, and slowly you

weaken.  They try to help,

but really they are taking you

away. sure they say it

will look like you, but it's not

you.

I snuck into you with

walking centuries, to be

the last, to see you.

You grow so beautiful inside,

but they move you piece by

piece. Only your heart

will remain as it blossoms

today, touched by eyes

who can appreciate your

mystery of where you've

come from. I am of the

lucky few to walk through you

doors before so long,

so long.

10

I'm nervous and shakey

and I'm only buying you

a memory of my time

apart to help you remember

me in your time apart.

what fits best, a loop,

a string. something to hang

my heart on. or maybe

just a piece of my

smile in a bottle. but

I'm not sure it's what

you want or need.

(Can we do this. as friends,

as strangers, as dreamers,

walking the world. apart alone

sideside in eyes

of hearts, so close,

alone never apart.

11

I'm sick of you tonight

your poking, pushing, begging.

Of your smoke, drink, and

private offers. People say

your the life, they're

high on you, but I

say your the worst.  You

will not allow stars

or barefoot wanderings.

You hold us tight in our

cages not to be looked

at. Only the outside

of you is beautiful

almost addicting, drawn

I could live there on your

shores, but I'd sacrific

them to get away to die.

so i'll continue cleaning my room, and my life, you just keep moving through yours.

first up, chinese count: 8 i've double it. i've been one busy chinese eating fool. i've been on the slow end ever since the place next door refused to add pineapple to everything i order. so i guess i've been on strike. and now off the strike.

so had good times in dekalb, IL on thursday. went to a concerto at otto's. the band, breathing machine, hailing from madison, wi. second time i've seen them. i think it actually falls close to the one year mark from when i saw them last time. check out their site, their music, and their style. xangazon does not know of them, and i think that should be fixed. website is http://www.breathingmachine.com. i can't talk enough good stuff so about them, you'll have to check them out. just if you ever go to a concert, make sure you know what time it actually starts. there was some confusion with what the bar thought and breathing machines email said, so we were about 4 hours early. we hung out a cool coffee place called the house in dekalb. if you are in the are check it out.

so i know a lot of the readers i have will be glad to know the tortise is ok. no sickage. we've purchased a much bigger living space, and have found some foods he actually likes. life is great but he likes to poop a bit.

well i leave with this. that's about it.

Currently Watching Beautiful Girls By Matt Dillon, Timothy Hutton see related

What's up what's up....what's up what's up what's up....what's up phwhat's up....what's up what's up what's up, what's up what's up what's up, what is up, what's up.....what's up what's up phwhat's up phwhat's up what's up what is up?

That's from my new book, PHWHAT's UP With That, it's basicly a book about all the things i don't understand in life. one of those things is the language of politics. there was a girl on tv tonight asking some panal a question and she used like three words that i'm pretty sure you can not use together. like the prosuption prefliving partuctuation of the metralobile that took place hodisiaously marticulatic act is not to be taken lightly by the vaselitubler nighengalabous or tax payers rights, please respond. what the crap was that. it's like a normal person through nouns on nouns. bill took the cat stool truck to the school spatula thimble because he was sick orange missouri, please respond.

the other what's up is my day. my tortise is sick, some discharge from the nostril thing. then i go to sam's club to buy stuff for a non profit org. we are tax exempt, always have been when we shop sam's club, except today. i had managers called down on me and the swarmed from the skies and carried me off to the isle of you suck stupid man, no tax exempt for you. acting like i was crazy for even thinking the idea, so i submit and go about my buisness happily paying there stupid little tax. only then do i go out to the van and realize i left my keys clipped to the basket i was using. i go back in and to find out my keys are moving out in the parking lot somewhere becasue my cart was give to someone else. i deserved this yes i know, so then had to proceed to walk the parking lot looking for an empty basket with wheels also known as a cart, a shopping cart, and i found them, eventually. then to go back to the center unload, get the 15 passenger van out to go pick up teens, back it up to the door, backing, backing, and hit something. that would have been the open door that just came off the hinge like woop there you go. had to call ray the handy man to put the door back on, and it's fixed. cancel my club cause ray couldn't get there for an hour, makes me to late to pick up, get home finally looking forward to hanging out, and no i'm not going anywhere, no call for you stupid little man. phwhat is up? not my luck. i did watch one of my favorite movies tonight, yes that would be the one up there in on the top of the entry. 

let's not for get to update the count:

chinese count: 4 home made again. though in chinese news ming wah is expanding their parking lot. they are making it bigger. yes the parking lot is getting larger, the lot is growing, extending, projecting, protruding, i can't think of any more....and that's the chinese news.

going to see the coarl reef 3d at the old imax tomarrow with the teenies. excited about that. doing some jungle bungle happy joes afterwards. excited about that to. tomarrow should be good, i'm excited.

so that's that you know you know. i'm going to sleep. bye now.

Currently Reading Experiential Storytelling: (Re)Discovery Narrative to Communicate God's Message By Mark Miller see related

so i've fallen behind, i'm slowin down in me old age, but i'm writing under serioux circumstances. homestarrunner is missing. me cousin is out of the oven. i'm not sure what is going on, but i was just visiting and something was not right. i miss you homestar. come back soon.

other exciting news. i bought a tortoise. he or she, still undetermined, is from russia. i've named it sam after me buddy oh pal sam bills from the sam bills band. i'm very happy with sam though i get concerned some days. sam isn't eating much and lays around quite a bit, but i think that is normal. anyways. sam is a pal and it's great to have a new friend.

my folks are gone out of town. i'm home alone. so far i've stayed up late every night, grilled out at 1 in the morning, the dishes are piling, the laundry needs done, and i don't eat much since they left me with nothing. it's funny what you can whip up with nothing you would normally eat but will in desperate measures.

so i've been a busy guy, planning and all for the future, developing new ideas to control the minds of squirrels. i also want to bring smoothies and tropical sno to the building we are buying next door. i figure it will make life a pleasure to wake up every morning knowing i get to eat flavored sno and a couple thousand smoothies a day. im opening the sno shack for nat so when ever she comes and visits, no matter what time of the year we can enjoy the worlds greatest frozen treat. i'm thinking of calling it the nat shack. see what your going to miss.

the book at the top is awesome. it only took about 3 hours to read. i did it in one setting. i've even had a chance to try some stuff at a retreat my friend Rob had. it went great, probally the most fun i've had in while teaching something. Rob is going to be a big super star one day. just three words, ballpark pop star i think is the pharse. do a search for Rob Frasier some time and see what you come up with.

well tomarrow is wingies. the best day of the week. i'm working tomarrow though, usually my day off, but my friend tim is getting married this week to trish. i'm pretty excited. i like weddings, especially when you actually know the people getting married.

wow all kinds of crazy stuff has been happening, so many stories to tell. i think though i'm going to sign off on this on. i regret to inform the fans, but the chinese count is not moving up today. i did have a great thai meal not to long ago that gets honorable metion. they are actually opening a place up close by so be looking for the thai counter coming soon. it's going to be more exciting then one fish, two fish, a red one and blue.

Currently Playing The Beautiful Letdown By Switchfoot see related

So it's been a while.  just to start with the important things, i ate chinese yesterday, and had it for dinner tonight. so.....drum rolllllllllllllllllllllll...

chinese count: 3

What crazy games did we play tonight you ask, well tonight the crazy teens made pbj's with thier toes then had to eat them, first team of three that makes then downs their sandwich wins. no pukers tonight though one girl spit out her sandwich and couldn't finish it. is this going to get me in trouble, i wonder if i should kill this subject. my name is steve mark. yes, steve mark in case you where wonder.  so it's been awhile, not that i haven't had time for xanga mainia, but i've just been doing a lot of work on the computer this week, and it's not something i like to do for fun, when i'm doing a lot of worken. you bet your momma i  ain't lurken, outside side your bedroom window, you hear a cershendo, it's must be that crazy raccoon, he likes to eat his dinner by the light of the moon, he's got little black eyes and puff stripe tail, he's got a God given outfit looken like he escaped from jail, the jail, the tail, eat in the moon light, the light is pale, out on bail, from the jail...(sigh) will they ever catch that crazy raccoon?

that phat track is off my latest CD raccoon raps, you can order it at www.xanga.com/davestarrunner/theraccoonpimptracks

ok well enough cheezy promotionals tonight, i've got to get some sleep, i've got to be all up ins the studio tomarrow early, and there are wingies to be eaten tomars. so until then (everyone sing along) look out for those little back eyes and that striped puffy tail, it's everyones favorite raccoon named Gale. Gale, Gale, he's got a puffy tail. It's Gale, it's Gale, we all know he just got outa jail. for tax evation. oh Gale, not again!